White lies are a common trend in our society today, and they are termed ‘harmless,’ especially when told to kids. The question now is, “are white lies harmless?” It is a well-known reality that society encourages parents to tell occasional white lies to their children. Many adults reflect on how their parents had done so since they were raised to view it as a necessary parenting component. They then repeat these lies to their children, starting a cycle of deceitful parenting.

Having been a teacher for some time, I understand how frustrating it can be sometimes to get kids to do the right things. I have noticed that there are a couple of reasons why parents lie to their kids. Some parents lie to their kids to avoid something they wouldn’t be able to deal with. For example, a parent could tell a kid that the music from an ice cream truck meant that the ice cream had finished because he didn’t have enough money to buy ice cream for the kid. Another reason for lying to your kid could be to get him to do something he may want to resist. For example, Parents issue empty threats to their kids like, “If you don’t get out of the water, I will drive out and never come back for you.” 

Looking back, I remember some of my parents' white lies. Once I was sucking an orange, and my mom warned me not to swallow the seed. Out of curiosity, I asked her why and she said that if I ate the seed of any fruit, the seed would germinate in my stomach and grow to be a mighty tree. I was frightened by that, and I tried as much as possible not to swallow any seed, but there were times I couldn’t help it, and whenever I ate a seed, I would immediately rush into the bathroom and try to push the seed out with a finger dipped into my throat.  I had been so young then to reason the validity of my mother’s statement, yet I trusted her, believing that whatever she said was true. It took me a while to realize that she had lied about seeds germinating in stomachs. 

There was another experience when my aunt was set to go out, and I had cried so much because I wanted to go with her, and she had simply told me to go in and put on my slippers. I ran excitedly to get my slippers, but she was gone by the time I came out. I remember my heart sinking to the bottom of my chest when I realized she had lied to me. I didn’t feel good about it, and I grew wiser. I learned from an early age never to trust people.

I remember one of my friends saying she was told when she had lost a tooth growing up that if she didn’t throw her tooth in the toilet, it would never grow again. Unfortunately, she had lost the tooth, and no matter how hard she tried to find it, she couldn’t get the lost tooth back. She had been so troubled because her mother had told her that if she didn’t throw the tooth in the toilet, it wouldn’t grow. She felt scared, so she prayed every night for her tooth to find its way to the bathroom. Her tooth eventually grew after a long time, and she believed it was delayed because of her fear. 

Recently, the subject of white lies popped up in my discussion with friends, and we all had similar stories to tell. What was common was that the lies told were often to keep us in line, make us happy, or avoid being told the truth because our parents felt we were too young to handle that level of reality. An example is when a child asks, “Where do babies come from?" Parents always try to avoid answering this question, and when the child presses them for answers, they give answers like "Babies come from the sky," some say, "Babies come from heaven." We know these are not totally true, and a half-truth is tantamount to a lie. Parents believe children do not need information about where babies come from because they are too young to be exposed to that information.

Parents believe that sometimes little lies are required to create happy memories for their kids. But as they grow, they begin to find out the truth for themselves, and knowing that you lied to them leaves them with a bit of resentment towards you. As a parent, you are the first model to your kids. They imitate what you do. They watch and learn from you. Kids learn a lot from their parents, and little traces of dishonesty may become a learned habit. Kids can only learn to be honest when you have modeled the character of honesty to them. Lying about seemingly little things has a grave potential to harm your relationship with your kid. When your kids find out you lied to them about the tooth fairy or Santa Claus, they may feel unhappy that you didn’t trust them enough to tell them the truth. They may begin to hate the memories created by your so-called harmless white lies. They may also feel bad for believing you and making a resolution, even if it’s an unconscious decision not to trust you. So next time, instead of telling your kid that swallowing seeds will cause trees to germinate in his stomach, just tell him that it is unhealthy to eat seeds. Tell him seeds are not meant to be swallowed. The next time your kid insists that he wants to head out with you when you don't want him to go with you, tell him firmly and clearly why you don't want him to go with you. He may cry, but you have left an impression on him, and when he remembers in the future, he will be grateful you never lied to him.

Instead of using white lies as a means to protect your children from getting the information you feel they are too young to be exposed to if you also use it as a means of extricating yourself from situations you don’t want to get involved in, it is advisable that you explain to them why you do not want to give them the information they need. You can explain to them that they are too young to understand. It's better than lying to them.  Sometimes, parents overlook that the white lies told to their kids could sabotage their trust in them. Also, the reason you want to protect them from specific knowledge you think will make them unhappy eventually builds into their poor tolerance and inability to cope with life and disappointments.  Suppose you lie to force your children to do something. In that case, you must understand that you have taken from them their power of choice, and they are doing it not because they respect the values that you and your family hold dear but because they want to avoid the consequences you have attached to their refusal to do them.

As children grow, they begin to ask questions, and at that stage, it is your duty as a parent to answer their questions and clear their doubts about certain beliefs they may have had while growing up. When a child knows the truth, and you deny that truth as a parent, you give room for the child to start doubting himself. Self-doubt can lead to low self-esteem in the long run, and I know you wouldn’t want that for your child. 

If you have lied to your children, you still have the time to go back and correct whatever you have told them. Being able to admit that you were wrong is something your children will thank you for in the future. It will also teach them the importance of being honest and humble enough to admit when they are wrong. As a parent, you aim to raise your children to be responsible adults. It starts with the little things. You can begin to take practical steps to raise your children to be honest and responsible adults. This starts with eliminating the lies and modeling to them truth in all ramifications. Children learn by observation. Be worth their observation.