Responsible parenting involves nurturing kids and training them to become the kind of adults you will be proud of and who will make society a better place. Parents must culture their kids in ways that will help them become responsible adults. An essential aspect of parenting is knowing how and when to set boundaries. 

Parents need to set rules and regulations that will regulate the way their kids behave. Contrary to popular opinion, setting boundaries is a healthy way to show your kids how much you love them. Boundaries help to create a safe environment for them to be the best version of themselves. 

However, while setting boundaries, it is important to note that your kids will not always stick to the boundaries you have set. They will push your boundaries sometimes, and this may upset you. When this happens, you have to reinforce the boundaries you have set lovingly.

Why Should Parents Set Boundaries?

It makes kids feel safe: 

Establishing boundaries for your kids provides a pattern of predictability in their lives. The thing about predictability is that it reduces the feeling of anxiety and uncertainty. It helps the child understand that you are in charge as a parent. They can trust you when they know you are in charge.

It eliminates the entitlement mentality: 

Kids are prone to have an entitlement mentality at an early age. They think the world revolves around them and their needs. They will continue to feel like this unless the feeling is disrupted. Boundaries provide avenues for kids to mature quickly. They begin to look beyond themselves and understand that they can’t always get their way. They become mature and capable of dealing with disappointments.  It exposes them to the reality of life.

Kids don’t have the power to make big decisions: 

The brain of a kid is not fully developed. The prefrontal lobes in kids are underdeveloped. This makes it impossible for them to make important decisions. Parents must set boundaries to reinforce the idea that an adult is in charge. Kids act impulsively, and decisions made under impulse are often not the best decisions.

It teaches kids discipline: 

Setting limits helps teach kids how to be responsible. For example, if you always make your kid drop his electronic device by seven to go to bed, no matter how fun what he is doing on his device is, he will learn self-discipline. He will learn to deny himself the temporary pleasure to achieve something greater.

Setting boundaries can help keep your kids healthy: 

Kids are prone to immediate gratification. Most times, their actions are impulsive, so they need adults to set boundaries for them.  When boundaries are set on how much of a particular food to eat or how much time should be spent on a device, it helps kids to become healthier.

It teaches kids how to cope with negative emotions: 

The reason why some parents don't set boundaries is that they don’t want to hurt their kids’ feelings. They don’t want their kids to be sad or angry. Boundaries help kids to deal with the negative emotions when their parents say “no” to them. Kids who can deal with their emotions have less trouble dealing with challenges in adulthood.

Setting boundaries is a way to show kids you love them:  

It is not unusual to see kids test their parents' limits. This is because they want to see how their parents will react. A kid may repeat the same action you just warned him about because he is testing your leadership skills. The truth is kids don’t want to be in charge. All they want is to see that you are in charge. When you have to discipline your kid for breaking a rule, it reinforces the idea that you are the boss. While you discipline them, it is important to explain to them why you had to punish them.  For example, “I am denying you access to your device for one week because you refused to do your assignments.” Although your kids may be mad at you for disciplining them, as they grow, they will understand that you loved them too much to watch them spend their time on frivolous things. 

Setting boundaries helps to reduce disagreements: 

When you set boundaries, it doesn’t mean that kids will always stick to those boundaries. They are expected to try to test boundaries. However, whenever they test boundaries, it is your duty as a parent to correct them and make them bear the consequences of breaking the rules. When this happens, kids will learn the concept of action and consequences. They will become more obedient, preventing you from having constant arguments with them. It will save you the stress of having to remind them every time.

Seven (7) Ways To Set Boundaries

Be firm: 

Kids may want to test the limit of the boundaries you have set. When this happens, you have to show them you mean business. Make sure to remind them of the boundaries you have set and be firm while you do this. You need to speak to your kids while looking them straight in the eye. Your voice must have an even tone but do not shout. Shouting isn’t as effective as you think. Most of the time, when you shout at your kids, they shut down. They don’t listen. Instead of doing that, talk to them lovingly.

State rules clearly and discipline when it is necessary: 

The rules must be stated plainly. Rules must be unambiguous and easy to understand. Kids will have no excuse when the rules are clear.   You can ask them to repeat the rules to ensure they understand them. Never assume they understand your instructions when you don’t explain the rules to them. Whenever they disobey, ensure that you employ natural consequences. This is so your kids will understand that negative behavior attracts negative consequences. 

For example, if your kids don’t do their assignments, instead of spanking them, you can stop them from using their mobile devices until they finish their assignments. If they don’t clean their room when they should, you could stop them from seeing their friends or playing games. You don’t have to spend so much money to reward them. You could commend them, prepare their favorite dish, or allow them to spend more time on their mobile devices. Kids tend to stick to the rules when they know their parents are proud of them.

Get the kids involved: 

One of the most effective ways to get kids to stick to the rules is to get them involved. Getting them involved simply means you make them draw up the boundaries with you. Children are more invested when you make them assist you in drawing boundaries. They could come up with suggestions that you could include.

Be patient with your kids: 

You may have to remind your kids about the consequences of bad behavior consistently. While you are at it, you must learn to be patient with them because they need to be reminded about the boundaries you have set a couple of times before they get used to it. 

Don’t apologize for enforcing rules: 

Whenever your kids break the rules, you must ensure that while you explain the consequences of their actions, you don’t apologize. Apologizing would mean that you’re doing something wrong. Although, you have to be kind while enforcing those rules.

Don’t yell or scream at your kids: 

Sometimes, it could be difficult to keep your anger in check. Kids can be unbearable sometimes, but you have to exercise self-control when this happens. Keep your tongue in check. Be careful what you say to them in moments like these.  Yelling at your kids won’t get you anywhere. Yelling defeats the purpose of correction. Kids become more defensive when you yell at them. You could take some time off to cool off before addressing the issue with your kids.

Be specific: 

When setting boundaries, you must be specific. Address the particular behavior that you want to change by setting boundaries. For example, if you don’t want your kid to go to bed with his mobile device, you can say, “I don’t think taking your mobile device to bed is a good idea. I have noticed you sleep late because you are always on your mobile device. This needs to change”. Being specific is a good way to communicate boundaries to your kids.

CONCLUSION

As stated earlier in the article, setting boundaries is one of the ways you show your kids how much you love them. As a parent, you must ensure that your kids are brought up in a safe environment. Your kids depend on you to steer the course of their lives in the right direction, especially at the formative stage of their lives. Setting boundaries is necessary for parenting. You may experience some difficult moments, but be patient with them. They will thank you for your investment in their lives later.